Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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