What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
