OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
