Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
this is an emotional support booty call
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
