whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
