I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
