I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
