i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
In other news, I just burned my penis
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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