I bet he comes in French.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
