I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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