there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
