I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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