i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
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Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize