I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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