Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
