Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
