He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
