TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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