I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
