i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
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Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
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Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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