i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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