I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
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in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
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He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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