imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
