Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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