you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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