I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
