He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
