I think my vagina is haunted
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
