god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
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he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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