Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
