he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
