He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
