and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
