She is in my trunk
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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