Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
