cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
