Ketchup is God's man juice
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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