Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
