guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
