Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
