I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he puts the penis in happiness.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
