I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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