At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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