your thong is hanging out like whoa
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
