you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
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Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
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I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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