I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Randomize
