Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
