She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
