it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
