apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
