HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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