Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize