We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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