he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
