I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
