she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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