What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
