VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
