I think my vagina is haunted
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
These tits shall not be calmed
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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