when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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