She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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