I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
