i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
