I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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